


Is forever an option?

by kjhvocals



Category: ikon
Genre: Confident! Gay, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guess who is who, Jealous! Junhoe, Jealousy, Jinhwan is whipped, M/M, Panicked! Gay, Relationship(s), Slight Smut, Slight mention of YunDong, Trust Issues, but so is Junhoe, it’s not in order, that’s why there’s numbers lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 19:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14291946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjhvocals/pseuds/kjhvocals
Summary: Their relationship wasn’t what someone would call “ideal”, but it was worth it.





	Is forever an option?

[3].

“Jinani”.

Jinhwan didn’t need to look up to know it was him. He just sighed, still not looking up.

“Hey, stop ignoring me”. 

Jinhwan then looked up and there he was. Koo Junhoe. A nightmare and a daydream in one. 

The latter sit next to Jinhwan, he had a cautious look, the type of look Jinhwan hated because it was always caused by a previous fight of theirs. 

Jinhwan just looked at him, still not feeling the need to say any word. 

“I’m sorry”. 

Jinhwan opened his mouth to try and hush him away, but then he felt Junhoe’s lips on his right cheek. Not giving him time to sort out his thoughts. The younger planted a sweet kiss on Jinhwan’s face and leaned closer to him, putting his arms around his shoulders.

Jinhwan remained still, he knew Junhoe’s intentions yet what happened still wandered on his mind. 

“You know me. I get mad and I say things I don’t wanna say... and here we are”. 

Junhoe was still cautious, Jinhwan noticed, his voice felt like a whisper almost.

“Yes, again. Here we are”. 

That’s all Jinhwan said and then he looked at Junhoe, who now was a bit flushed and probably overthinking every word Jinhwan had said. 

The younger felt Jinhwan’s staring and turned his head too. Their eyes locked and Junhoe blushed a bit more when he noticed Jinhwan’s hand getting closer to his shirt. He unbuttoned a bit on the top and stayed quiet while looking at Junhoe’s chest. 

Jinhwan was over it. Over the fights. He just wanted to relax. 

When he finally felt Junhoe’s warm body on his fingertips he closed his eyes a bit. It’s been a while, he thought. 

He opened his eyes before Junhoe could even notice and leaned a bit closer to him, just enough for him to be seated on Junhoe’s lap. 

Junhoe’s hands were laying on his sides, Jinhwan could feel how anxious he was to hold him. They both wanted it but it wasn’t time, yet. Not until Jinhwan felt capable of giving in. 

The latter moved his hands up to Junhoe’s shoulders. He really liked his shoulders, they were broad and perfect to carry him.

He leaned a bit closer until their foreheads were touching and he sighed again. Yeah, this was it. 

“I’m sorry”. 

Junhoe’s deep and calm voice ringed on his ears and he finally closed the space between their mouths. 

Junhoe completely relaxed under him and moved his hands to hold Jinhwan by the waist. Their kisses tended to be rough, just the crashing of their lips and the mixing of their tongues against each other. They were always eager to taste each other, every part of themselves. But lately -2 months ago till now- something felt different. 

Jinhwan was constantly beating himself up over it, even though he knew what it was. He just brushed it off everytime he would get too deep in his thoughts. 

His hands were all over Junhoe’s hair and the younger moved his hands from the older’s waist to his ass. Jinhwan moaned a bit when Junhoe gripped tight at his ass while also biting his lip roughly.

Junhoe moved a bit and Jinhwan was now sitting directly on his crotch. He moaned at their open mouthed kiss and Jinhwan finally moved back a bit. They breathed out while staring at each other and Jinhwan caressed Junhoe’s neck with his small hands. 

“Wanna go crash in my room?” Junhoe asked and Jinhwan didn’t have to say anything before they both were heading there. 

Jinhwan liked in here. It felt like the only space where they could just be together, in any way possible, without the rest of the members wanting to bug in. 

Bobby and Yunhyeong would always be in Jinhwan’s room, talking about music or whatever else that was on their minds. Jinhwan didn’t mind it, but he couldn’t risk having Junhoe there knowing any of them could come in unexpectedly.

This wasn’t a problem when they were in Junhoe’s room. No one ever came here except when it was necessary. No one except Jinhwan. And maybe Chanwoo occasionally, but it was just to annoy Junhoe for any reason he could find. 

So this was what someone would call their place. Another one of their places would be the big couch on the living room, though the members didn’t need to know they had been there for hours making out every once in a while. 

Junhoe locked the door after they both were in there and he just stood there, with his back against the door. He was thinking, Jinhwan knew, and maybe he was thinking the same thing too.

“Jinani...” Junhoe started and Jinhwan turned to look at him. He was near the bed, ready to jump on it. 

“Mmh”. 

Jinhwan knew he wanted to talk but he couldn’t deal with that right now. Or ever.

“Just wanna say, you look sexy with your hair like that”. 

Jinhwan blinked and Junhoe just smiled a bit, genuinely. He’d just dyed what was last of his brown hair to black and he didn’t think Junhoe would notice, the rest of the members didn’t. But Junhoe wasn’t them, of course.

“Are you gonna stand there all night?” 

Jinhwan finally said and in an instant Junhoe was holding him by the waist and kissing his lips deeply. The shorter moved his hands to Junhoe’s hair and the latter lifted him up by his ass and put him on the bed. 

Jinhwan felt the warm blankets under him and he blinked through the kiss, it feel right. Junhoe kept on kissing him until they were both moving against each other, trying to get some friction off of their still fully clothed bodies. 

Junhoe took care of Jinhwan’s shirt first and he started leaving kisses all over his chest and torso. He stopped right at his v line and moved up to kiss Jinhwan’s neck and peck at it for a while. 

Jinhwan tried to concentrate on the bulge on his pants and the eager on his body, but he couldn’t. Everything was too intimate right now, and it shouldn’t feel like this. 

Junhoe finished kissing and licking at his neck and he looked up to him. Jinhwan’s heart beat increased by the second and he simply tried not to look away. That would be too obvious. 

Junhoe remained still for a moment and then he leaned again and kissed the corner of Jinhwan’s mouth. Just a small peck. Junhoe hesitated a bit but he ended up kissing Jinhwan again, this time making sure it would last. 

Jinhwan forgot about everything else that was happening and he focused on how he was feeling right this second, being kissed by Junhoe.

He moved his hands to the younger’s hair and Junhoe put his hands right by Jinhwan’s side, just caressing his body every now and then. 

When their lips parted searching for breath, Junhoe kissed Jinhwan’s cheek again and he couldn’t help but smile a bit. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” Junhoe definitely didn’t expect that question at all. 

He blinked, trying not to mumble an answer. He relaxed a bit when Jinhwan moved his hand to his jawline, touching tenderly. He was being serious, and maybe... they would even cuddle?

“No need to ask” He replied after a few seconds and Jinhwan just nodded. 

They didn’t say anything else and Junhoe laid on his side, right next to each other. It was after 3 long minutes that Jinhwan moved again, hugging Junhoe by the waist and putting his head on his chest. 

Junhoe hugged him back and tried to fight the need of wanting to talk to him. Not today. 

Jinhwan sighed after a few minutes and they both fell asleep not so long after. 

[4]

Their “relationship” had been going on for almost 4 months. They weren’t together, they weren’t a couple who do couple things. To be entirely honest, Junhoe sometimes felt like he was trapped inside this bubble whenever he was with Jinhwan. 

Everything was so surreal with each other. They could stay talking to each other until late hours, about everything and anything or they could stay fucking until the morning without getting tired. It feel like a routine, except that he liked it. 

The members didn’t know (by them, at least) about this. Or how it started. They knew about them always sharing rooms in every hotel they stayed in. They knew about how Jinhwan and Junhoe preferred to take their own car. They also knew how Yunhyeong would constantly call them soul mates, but did they really know?

They weren’t exactly the definition of subtle. Junhoe remembers perfectly that time 2 months ago when Hanbin and Yunhyeong almost caught them and Jinhwan was completely careless about it. 

It was friday’s afternoon and Yunhyeong, Bobby, Hanbin and Junhoe were going out later to a party two blocks away from the dorms, other idols would be there and their manager wanted to introduce them. 

Jinhwan would stay home with the maknaes because he had gotten sick a few days ago and since it was still cold, he didn’t wanna risk it again. Donghyuk and Chanwoo were fine with it. 

Junhoe got in the shower and turned up his playlist, he and Jinhwan had spoke a bit earlier and he wanted to clear his mind before going to the party. 

He didn’t hear Jinhwan getting in the shower with him, not even when he closed the door and locked it. Or when he stripped off of his clothes. 

He was humming one of Bigbang’s songs when he felt one hand pinch at his waist. He immediately turned around, and there he was, Kim Jinhwan, smiling innocently at him but with a twist of lust on his eyes.

He just blinked and the next second Jinhwan had turned him the other way to scrub his body with a scourer. He tried to relax but it was quite impossible. When Jinhwan was done with him, the taller turned around and Jinhwan was still smiling.

“Speechless?” He had said and Junhoe couldn’t help but laugh. 

Jinhwan covered his mouth with his hand, realizing that the members were still in the door and would hear their laughs. 

“How come I didn’t hear you get in, hyung?” Junhoe said, this time getting closer to Jinhwan.

“You were being too busy being loud” Jinhwan replied and Junhoe just rolled his eyes.

“I’m in the shower!” He said defensively, even though they both knew he was joking. 

“I know, and that’s hot” Jinhwan said licking his lips.

Junhoe could feel his own excitement take over him when they shared a deep kiss the following second. The water was still running, and they were there hugging each other while sharing an open mouthed kiss. One of their best, if it needed to be said.

Jinhwan held Junhoe on his back and Junhoe didn’t hesitate on grabbing Jinhwan’s ass and getting both of them the closest to each other. 

Then, a knock on the door. 

“Junhoe c’mon! Hurry up we are leaving in 40 minutes” Yelled a fake angry Hanbin just to piss Junhoe off.

Which didn’t work, thanks to Jinhwan. He was about to tell him to fuck off but Jinhwan grabbed his face and they were back to kissing each other eagerly. 

However, that didn’t help much. Hanbin kept knocking on the door and 1 minute later he was opening the door with (apparently) Bobby’s key. 

Jinhwan moved back from Junhoe and they shared panic looks. Junhoe just made him a face that said “just relax” and that simply made Jinhwan more nervous, though he stayed still.

“What the fuck hyung? I’m still in here” Junhoe said, showing just his face behind the curtains.

“Sorry June, Hanbin is being annoying so I’m just gonna give this to him so he shuts up” Replied Yunhyeong, taking something from the bathroom’s stall. “By the way, have you seen Jinhwan hyung? He’s not in his room” Yunhyeong said midway before getting out the bathroom. 

“Hyung I’m in the shower, how could I know?” Replied Junhoe, while a tense Jinhwan hid behind his back.

“He’s probably in there with you right now, liar!” Yelled Hanbin from outside the door.

Yunhyeong laughed and Junhoe felt his panic hit a big point.

“Nevermind, he probably locked his door so no one would bother him for a while. Go back to your shower” Yunhyeong said and both Junhoe and Jinhwan relaxed at this.

It wasn’t that long until Yunhyeong closed the door and he heard the noise of getting locked.

He turned around and Jinhwan was trying to breathe, Junhoe thought he looked cute.

“I gotta get out of here” Jinhwan said after a while and that hurt Junhoe a bit, though he did understand why. 

“Hey” Junhoe said holding Jinhwan by the arm before he opened the curtain. 

Jinhwan turned around with a question mark on his face, and 10 seconds later he smiled and leaned just a bit to kiss Junhoe deeply on the lips. 

Their kiss was definitely sweet, not rough or lust. They were kissing just because, and that scared both of them.

When they separated it didn’t took long for Jinhwan to get out of the bathroom and leave Junhoe with a sky full of thoughts. 

One hour later Junhoe, Bobby, Hanbin and Yunhyeong left for the party and Jinhwan tried to focus on other things. He didn’t know if Hanbin was actually joking about him being with Junhoe in the shower or if he was serious, either way he knew that asking him about it would be weird so he dropped the topic. 

Junhoe, however wasn’t able to. He kept thinking about it that entire night, and the following week as well. Unlike Jinhwan, he wasn’t thinking about what Hanbin had said because how could he know? he was rather curious about why Jinhwan decided to get in the shower with him knowing the rest of the members were still in the dorm.

They have never done that before, Jinhwan said it was too dangerous. They’ve been “together” for just 2 months and Junhoe was still figuring out what they could do in the dorm with the members in there. 

Jinhwan never said much, whenever Junhoe tried to talk about it he would just kiss him to shut him up, and it worked. Junhoe thought that maybe Jinhwan was embarrassed about what they’ve been doing, but that thought was too sad so he tried to ignore it most of the time. 

[5] A month and half later they found themselves hanging out at Jinhwan’s room. They hadn’t talked about the shower incident and it was a regular day for them. 

They were sitting next to each other, and Jinhwan would hold his hands every now and then. Just to be a bit touchy.

“Hey, hyung”. Junhoe started and Jinhwan didn’t reply, he kept playing with his hands nonetheless.

Junhoe sighed a bit and then Jinhwan looked up at him.

“What’s up?” He asked clearly noticing Junhoe wanting to talk about something. 

“Nothing..” Junhoe said, regretting it.

“Mmh..” Jinhwan said and dropped Junhoe’s hand and turned his body to him, leaning a bit.

He closed the space between their mouths and Junhoe felt that thing on his chest again. He didn’t know if it was good or bad. He kissed back, however.

The kiss didn’t last longer than a few seconds. Just a little peck on their lips.

“What do you want to talk about?” Jinhwan whispered after they separated. 

Junhoe couldn’t help but hold Jinhwan’s waist just to get him closer to him. His heart beat starting to go faster by the second.

“About what happened that other time...” Junhoe said whispering back and Jinhwan smiled a bit.

“Mhm, so many things have happened, haven’t it?” Jinhwan said looking at him directly on the eye.

“One particular one” Junhoe replied and shrugged, trying to not act as interested as he actually was. “When you got in the shower with me” he continued and repressed a smirk when the flashback went through his mind.

Jinhwan tried to hide the fact that he was blushing but it wasn’t working, it never did with Junhoe.

“Okay... what about that?” He asked biting his lip.

Junhoe tried hard not to hold him tight, how could he look so cute and innocent when he wasn’t at all? 

“I’m just wondering, when did the rules change” Junhoe said focusing his view on the tv in front of them.

“The rules?” Junhoe didn’t know if he was just teasing him.

“Yeah, about us and what we do” Jinhwan frowned and blushed again.

“What we do...” Jinhwan said, probably analyzing what to say next.

“Hyung.” Junhoe warned.

“Okay, so I broke the rules by getting in the shower with you? Did it annoy you?” That wasn’t the answer he was expecting at all.

“What? no, I don’t think we- Do we have rules?” Junhoe was an actual mess.

Jinhwan just laughed a bit, this was awkward.

“Did it annoy you, Junhoe?” He loved hearing him say his name, it just felt good.

“No, hyung. I’m just confused on why you did that...” 

“Well, isn’t that obvious?” Junhoe felt stupid then, but he wanted Jinhwan to say it.

“Not for me”.

“Hm, because I wanted to have shower sex with you” he whispered close to his neck and Junhoe was almost sure his heart was going to stop beating any second. 

“The members were here” He said trying to forget about what Jinhwan had said and what it would mean to him.

“Yeah, I clearly didn’t care about that. Are you worried about Hanbin?” Jinhwan seemed so calm about this and Junhoe couldn’t understand why. 

“Not really...”

“It’s okay, he constantly teases me about us always being together. I don’t think he meant it like that...” 

Junhoe was oblivious to this and to why Jinhwan was so sure that Hanbin didn’t have a clue.

“It’s really fine, Junhoe. Don’t worry about it, if he knew about us Jiwon wouldn’t leave us alone, trust me”. 

Junhoe did trust him, but that wasn’t what he was worried about. Maybe it was better to drop the topic. Maybe he was indeed overthinking over simple and insignificant shower sex. 

“Why are you still worried?” Jinhwan asked again and Junhoe knew he couldn’t lie about this.

“Don’t you think it was too intimate?” Junhoe replied without hesitating.

“That moment? Probably, but we are intimate. Is there something wrong with that?” That was the answer Junhoe needed, but now he wanted to know more.

“There’s nothing wrong, I’m just...”

“Maybe we should have shower sex more often so you get used to it”. 

And that was everything Junhoe needed to hear to lose it. 

“See, your heartbeat increased. You want that, don’t you?” Jinhwan whispered dangerously close to his lips.

Junhoe simply sighed and Jinhwan laughed and leaning to the side.

“Hush, hyung”. He said but his heart was still racing.

“Just stop thinking”. Jinhwan talked with a more soft tone and that calmed Junhoe enough.

“I can do that”. Junhoe said with a husky tone and Jinhwan just rolled his eyes before kissing him right on the lips. 

That day Junhoe realized he was whipped.

[1] How did it all start? Junhoe wasn’t really aware of it. He and Jinhwan had been closer since 2016, always side by side everywhere. 

But that wasn’t new to them or the members. The feeling that developed was definitely new, though. 

He remembers sitting on his bed at night and Jinhwan coming in a few moments after, they would stay up talking about the world, movies or anything else that wasn’t a serious topic. Nothing ever happened, nothing but some silly playful games that consisted of them hitting each other with the pillows. 

Yunhyeong would say that that was soft, but Junhoe never gave it a second thought. He was used to it. And so was Jinhwan.

The possibilities of something intimate happening between them were from -10 to 0. Not even when they would share rooms in Japan’s hotels and Jinhwan would climb to his bed because he was cold or when they were both too tired to go to their room on the dorm and they would sleep together in the couch. Most of the times they woke up cuddled with each other, but it didn’t mean anything.

Not until that day. Junhoe remembers it well. It was a regular wednesday night, they had been at the studio recording something for Hanbin and now they were in Junhoe’s room. They took a quick shower when they got to the dorm and Jinhwan came to his room like he always did to talk. 

That night they didn’t talk much about random topics, it was mostly about themselves and the members. Jinhwan teased him about Jiwon having a “crush” on him and Junhoe laughed out loud because it was too stupid. 

They also talked about how Yunhyeong and Donghyuk seemed closer now and that maybe something was going on. Junhoe said that whenever he was close to both of them they shared secret looks and giggles and Jinhwan said he noticed it too, but both of them knew that if something was really happening they would talk to all of the members first.

The topic went on about the rest of them and after a long moment of silence Jinhwan asked Junhoe something he really hadn’t think about more than 1 or 2 times.

“How do you think falling in love feels like?” Junhoe was surprised by it, but he was lowkey curious about this topic.

“I don’t know, but if it’s how Hanbin talks about it on his music then maybe I don’t wanna find out” He replied and Jinhwan laughed next to him. 

“Really, Junhoe. You’ve never wanted to be in love?” He insisted and Junhoe thought that maybe he had, but it was just for a moment after seeing a cute couple outside.

“I don’t think someone wants that, hyung. It probably just happens” Jinhwan frowned and then looked up at Junhoe.

“But I want to. I want to feel that vibrant fever on your body thinking about that one person and hoping that the weekend comes soon so you can be with them” Junhoe was more surprised now. Jinhwan had always been good at expressing how he feels to him, but this was unknown.

“If you put it like that, it sounds like something we all should want” Junhoe said, now noticing how Jinhwan was leaning a bit closer to him.

He didn’t reply but instead put his head on Junhoe’s chest and continued to look at him.

“You don’t want it?” He asked and Junhoe ignored the beat of his heart when he looked at Jinhwan right on the eye.

“Maybe I do? I’m not sure, I honestly have never thought this much about it” Junhoe replied and he noticed a change in Jinhwan’s gaze. 

He was started to wonder what was actually happening right now.

“You’re not curious?” Jinhwan then continued much to Junhoe’s surprise.

He stayed still, not looking at him and actually thought about it. Was he curious? yeah he was. But he was mostly scared of a new feeling taking over his mind. Right now everything seemed fine. 

“Yeah I am” He replied after a few minutes and Jinhwan had already looked down, still with his head on his chest.

“I think I am too” He whispered now and Junhoe was scared of trembling, even though he had no idea of why he would.

Neither of them said anything else for a while. Both too deep in their own thoughts. 

Junhoe then considered what Jinhwan had asked him. Yeah, he was curious and maybe deep down he actually wanted the same thing Jinhwan mentioned. He didn’t know if the person he would fall in love with would be a woman or a man, but his heart unconsciously was aiming for the second. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt fingers touching his right hand. Small fingers. 

He looked down and Jinhwan wasn’t looking at him, he was focused on tracing whatever on Junhoe’s hand. 

He tried to ignore the little sparks on his heart right now, but it felt too impossible.

“Your heart beat” Jinhwan said and that surprised him more, almost scaring him.

“Hm?” He said with a hoarse voice and Jinhwan then looked at him.

“Your heart beat, is so fast” Junhoe couldn’t believe he was saying it just like that. Wasn’t Jinhwan feeling the same thing right now?

He hummed something Junhoe was unable to hear and then he measured his own hand with Junhoe’s hand. His was so small compared to the younger, which was cute.

Junhoe closed his eyes, trying to brush off the feeling. But then Jinhwan interlocked their fingers together and Junhoe was about to throw up. 

What the fuck was going on right now?

Jinhwan stayed still and Junhoe unconsciously held him tight, securing their hands together. 

Jinhwan then looked up at him and smiled widely. Junhoe was too in shock to get it together. If Jinhwan were to do something else right now he’s positive he’d pass out. 

“I really want to know how it feels, June” was the last thing Jinhwan said and Junhoe was too weak to try and reply. 

They stayed like this for a while and after 1 hour they both fell asleep, still holding hands. 

It wasn’t that long until things started to change between them. 

[2] Their first kiss was meant to happen. Neither of them knew how badly they wanted it, until they found themselves kissing each other eagerly. 

After that night in Junhoe’s room, their following days and weeks remained busy. Almost too much to handle but Jinhwan always knew how to keep them all together. Even if he didn’t knew how to do that himself.

He was tired, to the point that he was considering skipping practice tomorrow. He and Junhoe hadn’t talked about anything serious ever since that night, and Jinhwan was ignoring the topic on their daily conversations. 

He would remember it everyday, though. It was his first thought every morning. He could only think about how nervous Junhoe looked when it happened, he was nervous as well, but something deep inside him told him it was right and that it was mean to happen. Unlike Junhoe, Jinhwan was sure he would never be with a woman.

He constantly thought about what being with someone must feel like, maybe Junhoe didn’t think about it because he was younger and his mind was consumed with other things. But Jinhwan felt like time was going too fast, and he had been lonely for a long time. He just wanted to feel like he belonged with someone. 

He have had flings that lasted no more than 1 or 2 months, it always stopped because one of them was getting attached or because it was boring. There has never been someone that completely understood Jinhwan and make him want to do crazy things just because he was in love.

Well, there was Junhoe. But that was his best friend or ar least what he had been reduced to since 3 weeks ago. 

He never thought about the possibility of them getting together someday, but now it consumed most of his daily thoughts. 

He’d been thinking about how it’d feel to hold Junhoe’s hand more often. He liked his hands, they were bigger than his but they were always soft and they fitted with his hands perfectly. 

He’d also been thinking about cuddling with Junhoe on his bed, feeling Junhoe holding his waist and just laying next to each other for hours.

And of course, he also thought about kissing him. Junhoe was so tall and he wondered how it’d be to have him bend a bit to kiss each other. 

Were these normal thoughts to have about his best friend? Not at all. He wanted to punch himself on the throat for thinking about those things. They were irrational and stupid, and Junhoe would probably push him away if he ever tried to do that. 

But there was also another thing Jinhwan had thought about, and it was that Junhoe didn’t move back when they interlocked their fingers. He didn’t say anything and he looked a bit tense, but after Jinhwan laid on his chest he seemed more relaxed. 

Maybe he’d been thinking about it too? Or he simply thought Jinhwan was being touchy. After all, Junhoe only lets Jinhwan disturb his personal space and sometimes he is the one being touchy. Nothing compared to holding hands, though. 

He sighed when he checked the hour on his phone, it was getting late. The rest of the boys were probably having late diner or taking a shower. 

He had been thinking too much and now he would be incapable to sleep. He closed his eyes trying to clear his mind and then he heard a noise coming outside his room.

“Yeah, he’s been hiding in there since earlier. You can go check though” He heard Yunhyeong’s voice but he didn’t get to hear whoever was talking to him.

He didn’t open his eyes and waited for that person to either open the door or call his name. When that didn’t happen he opened his eyes, and there it was, Koo Junhoe. The man he’s been perhaps daydreaming about, and most importantly his best friend.

He wasn’t shocked to see him, but his heart did increase its beating. 

“I thought you were sleeping” Junhoe said with a tiny smirk.

“I was planning to. Why are you here?” He didn’t mean to sound rude, but something felt off. It wasn’t Junhoe though, it was himself.

Junhoe widened his eyes, in shock.

“Oh I didn’t wanna bother you, hyung. Just wanted to check on you” He said, clearly feeling bad.

Something got stuck on Jinhwan’s throat, he wanted to reply but he couldn’t.

“I’ll just go, see you tomorrow jinani” Junhoe said and Jinhwan wasn’t able to stop himself from getting off the bed and following him. 

When he reached Junhoe he held his hand and the taller turned around with big eyes again. He was tense now, clearly sensing something.

“Wh-“ Junhoe wasn’t even able to finish the word when Jinhwan stood on his tip toes and kissed his lips fast.

He separated the next second and they both shared looks of panic. But Jinhwan was afraid that they were for different reasons. They both stood there in front of each other, speechless. 

Surprisingly so, Junhoe turned around after not more than 10 seconds and closed the door, locking it. Jinhwan was about to open his mouth but Junhoe didn’t let him, putting his hands on Jinhwan’s neck and kissing him again. This time Jinhwan was so happy to kiss back. 

He moved his hands to Junhoe’s back, holding him tightly. They walked a bit and Jinhwan felt his back hit the wall softly. Their hands moved and now Jinhwan was holding Junhoe’s neck, caressing it tenderly and Junhoe had a tight grip on his waist. 

He sighed a bit into the kiss, feeling the knot on his throat disappear. Junhoe was kissing him deeply now, moving his head to the sides so their noses wouldn’t touch. 

He was about to break the kiss to breathe but Junhoe licked his lips with his tongue and he couldn’t stop a slow moan from coming out of his mouth. Then their lips parted.

They both opened their eyes and Jinhwan couldn’t help but smile when he noticed Junhoe’s blushed cheeks. How could he kiss him with such intensity yet still blush after they separate? 

Junhoe smiled shyly too, but he still had his hands wrapped around Jinhwan’s body. 

They didn’t say anything and just leaned their heads closer until their foreheads touched. 

“I want to know how it feels too, hyung”. 

Junhoe said and Jinhwan’s smile widened, though the younger didn’t notice it. 

They stayed there for some minutes, just breathing and smiling at each other. And 10 minutes later they both jumped on Jinhwan’s bed, and this time Junhoe felt confident enough to hold Jinhwan’s hand and kiss his forehead before closing his eyes. 

They both knew this was going to be a wild ride. 

[6] 

It was now, April 25. Five months have passed since Junhoe kissed him for the first time. 

It has been difficult yet he wouldn’t change it for anything, but only he knows he feels this way.

Junhoe can be a pain in the ass, when they were best friends it wasn’t something that bothered him because he didn’t care this much. 

But now, everytime Junhoe gets mad at something or someone Jinhwan feels the need to soothe him. Though, most of the times that Junhoe’s been mad is either because he’s jealous or has been overthinking their relationship. 

Jinhwan is scared, he knows there is a big possibility that Junhoe feels the same about their relationship, but he completely pushes Jinhwan away when he’s mad and it makes him anxious. 

He wished Junhoe talked to him, about the jealousy and insecurity, but he also knows the position they’re in is a constant danger zone and Junhoe might be as scared and confused as he is.

Despite Yunhyeong and Jiwon knowing about them now, there still is something that doesn’t let them feel free about being together. 

He hoped those insecurities would disappear but it seems like they increase by the day. Jiwon told him that it’s probably because they’re getting more attached to each other and despite it making sense, he still felt paranoid about their relationship.

What if Junhoe doesn’t want to get attached? What if they end up splitting and hating each other? What if he says the 3 words and Junhoe doesn’t say them back?

He wanted to stop being negative but sometimes everything was too much. The fact that right now Junhoe wasn’t talking to him made it all worse. 

What’s ironic is that they didn’t even have a fight, Junhoe simple hadn’t talked to him in almost 2 weeks. He’s had his door locked for a week and when Jinhwan tried to sneak in at night he acts like he’s sleeping so he doesn’t have to open it. He also wakes up early so he won’t have to see Jinhwan or the rest of the members at breakfast and when they go to practice he gets on the car with their manager and Chanwoo. 

The only time Jinhwan has seen him this week has been around 5 or 6pm when all of the members are hanging out in the living room. And even then Junhoe stays talking to Yunhyeong or Chanwoo instead of him, and when it gets late he just sighs and says he’s too tired and he won’t open his eyes until the morning. 

It’s honestly driving Jinhwan crazy. He wants to talk to him, kiss him, and go back to the way it was. He misses him, but it also annoys him that he’s being this dismissive without telling him what’s wrong.

But tonight he’s had enough. They were all having a peaceful dinner and Hanbin was showing Jiwon and him a video that Seungri sent him earlier and they were a laughing mess because the man is a complete goof. But suddenly Junhoe got up without saying a word and told Chanwoo “I’ll be back in 10 to watch the movie I told you about” and then left to his room. 

None of the members noticed this but him, and Jinhwan couldn’t let another day go by without talking to him. He couldn’t care less about his movie date with Chanwoo, which by the way, was an stupid act. 

Movie dates only happened with Jinhwan because Junhoe always complained about the members constantly commenting the movie instead of just watching. So the fact that he was using Chanwoo to evade Jinhwan was immature and unrealistic.

He didn’t say anything and quietly walked towards Junhoe’s room. If the door was closed he would knock until his fingertips were red, nothing could stop him tonight.

He reached the room and saw the door half open, he rushed there and entered the room before even looking at where Junhoe was. He closed the door and locked it and then turned around. 

Junhoe was standing there, at least 2 meters away from him, he had a confused but annoyed expression on his face.

Neither of them said anything and Jinhwan rolled his eyes, which caused Junhoe to look more aggravated.

“I don’t have time for this, I gott-“ 

“I don’t care about your movie date with Chanwoo, I won’t leave until you talk to me.” Jinhwan said interrupting his sentence. 

Junhoe looked around still with an annoyed look and then he sit on the bed, looking at everywhere except Jinhwan.

“Okay talk.” He then said, his voice was so raspy that it made Jinhwan itch.

“No, you need to talk to me.” Jinhwan replied and walking until he was in front of him.

Junhoe had his head down, looking at the floor. Jinhwan was almost annoyed at himself for wanting to kiss him.

“Well you said you wa-“

Jinhwan couldn’t stand another single word and he simply sat next to him, holding his hand and looking at him.

Junhoe didn’t flinch but his heart beat definitely increased. Jinhwan didn’t need to know this, though.

“Junhoe, talk to me.” Jinhwan almost pleaded, still playing with his hand.

Junhoe didn’t say anything, exhaling heavinly.

“I guess this was a whole mistake then. All of it” Jinhwan said, not really meaning it. But he knew it would get a reaction from Junhoe and it was worth the try.

He stood up from where he was sitting on the bed and walked to the door, and then Junhoe talked.

“It’s funny that you say that, hyung.” Jinhwan frowned but inside he was smiling a bit.

“Funny how?” He asked and Junhoe licked his lips.

“You are the one flirting with them all on concerts and in the car, not me. That’s why” He said after long seconds and Jinhwan was now confused.

“Who do I flirt with?” He replied and Junhoe just closed his eyes, clearly annoyed.

“All of them” 

“You mean the members? That isn’t called flirting, that’s....”

“Brotherhood, yeah, I’ve heard that before.” Jinhwan was now shocked to hear that. How long has Junhoe been feeling this way?

“Junhoe.” He tried and the latter finally looked at him on the eye.

Jinhwan then realized how hurt Junhoe actually was by this, and he instantly felt bad.

“I’m not flirting with them on stage, you know why?” He said sitting next to Junhoe again.

Junhoe didn’t say anything but Jinhwan knew he wanted to know the answer.

“Because I’m with you.” Junhoe relaxed a bit at those words but he didn’t move. “I care about you Junhoe, so much it scares me sometimes. Yet here I am, asking you to please talk to me”. He continued and Junhoe licked his lips again. Jinhwan knew he wasn’t as mad anymore.

“I care about you too, hyung. And I am scared as well” That’s all Junhoe said but it meant a lot to Jinhwan. 

He couldn’t believe he was opening up.

“I think we have a right to be scared, after all, we aren’t in the best position.” Jinhwan said and Junhoe just nodded. 

“I’m mostly scared of...” Junhoe started but then he bit his lips and closed his eyes.

“Of what?” Jinhwan asked softly.

“Of losing this” He said and Jinhwan knew how much it actually cost him to say those words.

Jinhwan could only hold his hand again, this time feeling Junhoe relaxing next to him. They interlocked their fingers and Jinhwan looked up at Junhoe.

“That can’t happen” He said firmly and Junhoe smiled a bit, but he tried to hide it.

“How are you so sure, hyung? We-“ 

“Because I am” He said before Junhoe could even finish his sentence.

“Hyung...” 

“I won’t let that happen, okay?” Jinhwan replied and he kissed Junhoe too close to his lips.

The younger just closed his eyes for a bit and then sighed. 

“Junhoe, how long has this been going on?” He asked him now, they still needed to talk some more.

“What exactly, hyung?” Jinhwan played with his fingers and smiled a bit.

“The jealousy”. He didn’t need to look up to know that Junhoe was blushing.

“Hyung...”

“C’mon, just tell me” He looked up now and pleaded with puppy eyes.

Junhoe just rolled his eyes and smiled a bit.

“It’s only been for like 1 month”. He replied and Jinhwan was glad he wasn’t taking it the wrong way.

“Only?” He teased and Junhoe separated from him, complaining.

Jinhwan laughed and seated on the bed next to him, looking at him and waiting for his answer.

“I’m trying to ignore it but I can’t” Junhoe said, sighing right after.

“I will tell you a secret, okay?” Jinhwan replied, making Junhoe turn around to look at him. “You shouldn’t be jealous because of one thing”. 

“What thing?” Junhoe was clearly anxious for the answer.

“Because I’m only yours, Junhoe”. He whispered leaning closer to his ears. 

He noticed the blush on Junhoe’s cheek expand and tried not to smile, though he clearly failed.

“Jinhwan, I want to tell you something..” Junhoe said after a few seconds passed.

“Tell me”.

He exhaled before opening his mouth, and then said “I think... I think I’m in love with you” he almost whispered the last 3 words, and Jinhwan’s world was collapsing right in front of him, but in the bestest way ever.

They didn’t say anything, staring at each other because words right now weren’t necessary. And finally, Jinhwan couldn’t handle it anymore and closed the distance between each other. Taking all of Junhoe on his mouth, and putting his hands up on his shoulders. 

His heart wanted to scream “finally”. 

Junhoe held his waist tightly and continued to kiss him back, eagerly and passionately. All the jealousy and insecurity disappearing as they shared more and more kisses.

After few minutes, they parted and stayed still, just breathing out while looking at each other.

“So... you only think you’re in love with me then?” Jinhwan teased again, making Junhoe just smile a bit.

“I’m sure I am”. Junhoe replied and Jinhwan’s heart was about to burst. “Now the real question is, are you?”

Jinhwan was completely and absolutely whipped, but he couldn’t say that. 

“I’ve been sure of it for almost 2 weeks now” he replied, looking down for a moment. 

He suddenly got so shy and couldn’t understand why.

“Well it took you long enough then, jinani.” Junhoe said with a teasing tone and that made Jinhwan blush completely. His entire body feeling all mushy. 

“I would’ve said it earlier if you hadn’t shut me down for those 2 weeks”. He said, half joking and half serious, honestly those two weeks have been bad.

“I’m sorry I’ve been like that” Junhoe said, now being serious. 

“I just want you to feel safe, okay?” Jinhwan took his hand and interlocked their fingers together, everything would be fine now.

“I feel safe now”. That’s all Junhoe said before they were back to kissing each other deeply. 

They both knew from now on everything would be different but in the best way. It all just depended on how much they loved each other, and what things would they be able to sacrifice to maintain that love strong.

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo... this is my first fic ever about Junhwan. Honestly, it didn’t exactly turn out the way I wanted but I feel like I gotta share it cause I’ve been thinking too much about this concept. As I wrote this I thought it would be nice to place different punctual moments of their relationship in different order, I know it might be confusing. 
> 
> Also, english is my second language so feel free to correct me for bad grammar. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it(if anyone ever reads it lol) and if you want to leave a comment I’d also appreciate it. If I get good feedback I’ll try to make a series of it cause honestly boyfriends! Junhwan is my favorite thing and I feel like there aren’t enough fics of them just being fluffy and cute together.
> 
> Thank you for reading it and I hope you like it ❤️


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